July! Usually is characterised with heavy down pours,
cloudy-teary skies and alternates of strong shines of the sun.We’vefinally
gotten here within a twinkle of an eye and the year is fast running out. But as
we all know one thing that probably never runs out in this village is gist and
we are here to serve it hot to you. We are taking this moment to appreciate the
understanding of our dearly beloved readers in times past when we didn’t
write………. thanks for supporting our ministry, we love you.
The events that have occurred over
the last few weeks have left us in awe to the extent that our already gaped
mouth has refused to shut. It’s no more
news that the US Supreme Court has accepted the rights of homosexuals to become
legal but what amazes us is the product of one of our Eastern neighbours who
came out to say “This is a victory for America”. He probably sounded like a
child that never tasted “African breast milk”. Anyways, at the declaration ground,
some couples did not even waste time as their testosterone driven brains
signalled them to have a “victory make out“right on the spot. There was even
this special one that called his mother and told her “Mum, your son can now
have a husband!” Imagine if you called your Yoruba mother on a hot Monday
afternoon to tell her that, ‘Omo’ is it not only the devil himself that would rescue
you in this case?
The much awaited “hostel allocation”
finally came to pass oo, after a botched earlier attempt orchestrated by
Ogaismaila with the Jagabans of the school thinking they could pull a fast one
on us all, plus our protesting brethren showing off their Ajebo-protest skills
to mention a few activities that went down before the school in Jegaish fashion
had to wade in with a committee on Hostel allocation.
Karma also finally caught up with many but
mostly the famed most troublesome class as they were stuffed four in a room
contrary to the celebrated two at the heavenly OPH, and cold threatsfrom Bufu
himself, people from the other side of the village would like to wish them good
luck, at least they have their toilets to themselves now, and won’t be seeing
things like shaved hair on the bathroom floor like how they did see them in
barracks. The most Savoury news from the
allocation is that some marriages and divorces took place during the allocation
proper as one of our ex-Islamic leadersdivorced his slim, sexy and sassy
roommate, we are not sure if it was the other way round. There were also some
rejects of the season, who everyone in their class practically refused living
with; we mean both males and females alike (wow!) they had to be saved via
merging them with other allocation rejects.
The ecstasy of the allocation came to a final climax when moving started,
am sure you noticed abi experienced how “jonny just comes” of the school
misbehaved as some chased the occupants of their rooms with paint while others
chose verbal abuse as the best broom to sweep their new rooms.
It’s still a mystery of how some people can sleep, read, eat
and watch TV at the same time; this is the case of one of our so called direct
entry guys. On getting into the collegehe was one of the coolest guys, he also
had an eye for the ladies, but after a couple of “NO” he’s selfesteem dropped
beyond repair. This dude finally found fortress in the common space, you can
take a short excursion to the new hostel around 3am and see this egbon sipping
5alive, with bowl of pepper soup while watching zee world, with his Anatomy
note also in his hand. If only Our beloved Saalu still belonged to this clan,
he probably would be at moshalashi or Conoil thinking about his life with eyes
wide open, we can’t blame him sha, with jewo what do you expect?
That’s our some south-western states have been owing their workers’
salaries since like last year December, one of the states reported that they
borrowed about N25billion from banks, Hmm! The money wasn’t enough oo, so their
Agbe Governor whom actually bares a close resemblance with one of the elders
of this village in the 400l old class had to come out and declare himself
“Helpless” while the other one was just confused on what to do. But the current
situation shows that our uncle from Kastina and his professor vice are going to
give them small change to help their ministry sha. Hmm! Signs of better days
ahead.
It’s was that time of the year when the leadership batons are
passed from one hand to another, a whole lot had been said about this outgoing
LASUMSA administration and how it has been the worst administration over the
years and some group of people even compared it to the just finished tenure of
Ebele at the Asoviila. Some described them as a bunch of flabby asses that are
so lazy and light fingered. So the
process of electing new leaders started with our very own program titled “THE
DISCOURSE” aimed at erasing every demon of bias from our minds.
The Presidential debate was the plateau stage of it, we were
able to present leaders that could come out boldly and share creative and mind
blowing ideas with us, such as partnering with MTN, GLO, and even the Almighty
Dangote! while one even planned to partner His twenty two older siblings in
other to raise funds for our beloved association. When it came to their“Role
models” we found out that one believed in every prophet present on this planet
and even beyond, the other was so engrossed in his religion that he made his
personal Lord and saviour his role model. The aspirants were seating on a bed
of coal that night as basic question started to sound like quantum physics and
rocket science to them to the extent
that they started blessing us with gracious copious amounts of grammatical blunders.
The Manifesto night was awesome OMG!
The feeling was more ecstatic than every Grammy’s put together. The night had been indeed cold as light
showers ushered us into a new dawn, the presentations of each aspirants were
amazing and awesome but one. This bros just came up to entertain us. Right from
his cooperate dressing(colour blocking to badt; u should remember his check
shirt and multifaceted tie) to his amazing dancing step, in the entirety of our
lives we haven’t seen someone dance so passionately like that neither have we
seen someone twerk at a manifesto night, he probably twerked his political
destiny away.
There aspirants got a taste of hell that night
when the flood gates of questions were let loose, questions that would not make
you regret why you were running for a position, this questions would make you
regret filling LASU in your JAMB form, some specialist even went as far as
monitoring their academic lives which allowed us to even discover that our sisisocial had justpassed one
out of six incourses, while others such as the Nicodemus himself (the only man
with two birthdays in our village) was giving the floor to express their
indepth mind towards our aspirants.
The climax stage was
reached when our first presidential aspirant was called upon, Hmm! He was
ushered in with the famous “champion song” and he took his tall bald headed
long walk to the podium, he was later giving the opportunity to show us his
dancing skills, he ended up looking like Sunny Ade trying to do a moon walk.
The other aspirant who was looking all freshed-up must also have been expecting
the “champion” song, his bubbles were bust as he was ushered with late Dagrin’s
“KONDO” at this point the gods of the land had spoken without us even recognising
it(by the way he gave some really nice dance steps evidently trying really hard
to outdo his opponent thinking that was the way forward). They were later fired
with a lot of acrimonious questions, at the long run we were able to deduce
that one is a man of SIMPILITY while the other is a man of SENSITIVITY.
The elections
proceeded and the gods of the land spoke for the second time, the votes of our
indigenes at the far side of Lagos said it all, as expected the result had gone
in favour of all unopposed candidates. The boy after Saalu’s own heart was able
to pull off a victory over MissSomething
Wey AduGet.Miss socials
eventually won, we even wonder how her opponent was able to pool his over a
hundred votes with how he came out battered and hopeless the night before,
while perhaps the better candidate won the General secretary elections, the
more matured and “highly sensitive” aspirant one the Presidential elections,
with the aid of his 22 elder siblings we hope he can carry out his plans which
includes De-ratting the almighty barracks and SHC (mission impossible), The
vice-presidential debate wasn’t a contest as girl power crushed and buried her
opponent, we wonder what remains from that brother’s skinny body although we
must give some credit to his 20 solid ideas.
Have you noticed the red light outside SHC these days? We
hear it’s some of our bigger Ogas that have decided to bring this innovation to
our door steps but have you given it a thought if every room decides to get a
blue and green one what resemblance this hostel will finally have? Some say
mini-ipodo is the answer.
Finally, we pay our
tribute to the 12 OOU students that lost their lives in a very disastrous
accident some weeks back, we pray that they rest in the bosom of the creator.
Disclaimer: This is just a work of a lonely and bored mind if you feel
this write up or writer infuriates you or written with reference to you, chill………..,
just look for a friend to discuss with at your next exams then watch you
carrier thin out right under your nose.
